I am so tired of meeting a prospective girlfriend only to end up where I started. The expected relationship always ends before it could begin. The reasons vary wildly from leaving the country, leaving the state, being already in a relationship, not wanting a relationship at all or just with me.... I have a knack at finding the wrong women in that they always want to leave somewhere that is not where I am it seems. I'd like to believe the truth that it has nothing to do with me, but I can't help but wonder sometimes. Shit, love is losing it's meaning to me. I like to believe, but we'll have to wait and see. I am weary of caring about women, if they don't give a shit about me why should I give a shit about them anyway. Damn hormones.

If you haven't guessed it yet, the chick that ran to london got herself an English boyfriend. I think her plan is to marry someone over there so that she can stay. She probably was lost cause.

It's getting to the point where it is difficult for me to write something that my friends and family wont find, read, and make dumb ol' comments on. That may sound strange, but honestly sometimes I want to write something to a random audience which neither is likely to read it nor actually give a damn if they do. So lucky you.

thoughts on my mind today...

Dating sites don't work for me. Then again, I only can afford the free ones. I'm bad enough at attracting a gal in person so why I thought I'd fair better online is beyond me. I am increasingly tired of fitting into the "lonely man cry for love and has none" category. Tired of whining about too. I doubt it's my fault that I am alone, although I do wonder sometimes. Today I talked to a Chinese girl I was set up with months back. I had been suspicious that she did not like me the way the matchmaker had told, and today's conversation made it clear we were just friends. The chick before her, I thought I clicked with rather well. But she has a strong desire to live in London and so three weeks later she was. The chick before that, well- I guess she was too young for me. It's amazing the difference five years and a seriously broken heart can make. Unlike her, I don't need to feel like I could spend the rest of my life with a person, or even have a crush on a girl to try and ask her out. I've learned crushes lead only to needless pain and nowhere else. Under the crush spell one does not act normal, she doesn't see the real person and refuses one's advance. It's a pretty shitty deal if you ask me.

Free ipods and broken guitars are nice.

Finding cool vintage typewriters for dirt cheap is fun.

No job + credit debt is not a fun situation to be in.





Hmm, craig furgison is on the tv. I think it's time for a bit of boose and TV.

9/18/08
Leonard Cohen’s “Anthem”

Mr. Cohen needs to find a different person to sing this song. Like Jennifer Warrens of famous blue raincoat fame.

Is it not that in our imperfection that god still loves us.
Everyday is new we have forgiveness
Ring the bells that still ring.

Page 28 quote, “the problem with you is your Mennonite moralisum. You need to go out and commit the worst sin that you can think of. You have to either learn to live with yourself or life by the grace of god.”

I’m actually tempted to try this out. Because honestly I feel like I need some sort of spiritual kick in the pant to get me to do something… some sort of awakinging I guess. I’ve been told I shouldn’t, but I am jealous of those who haave conversion stories where they were in a real bad place- living a life full of sin and then they found god and all is swell. They went out and committed the worst sins available and now can only live by the grace of god. I have been told however, by Glenn Kaiser of the Resurrection Band, that I don’t want to be where he has been. Yet I don’t feel like I have ever reallyfelt changed by God. Some people say you can’t know good with out evil, darkness with out knowing light.

Reimer says that social salvation will be a long slow boring event like my personal salvation has been for me. Social salvation is constant.
Yasch Siemans
- Live in marriage
- Good person
o Can we be saved by a community?

Individual salvation
- Instant
- Happens once
- Liberating disruption in your life, from a problematic life to a better one
- Brunk
o Fire and brimstone
o Take personal/individual responsibility now, and become born again.

Creation - creation
Fall - separation
At/one/ment - unity

Atonement theory, satisfaction (legalistic) required
- debt of human sin
- substitutioin
- God subbs in for human






I. Atonement, making things whole and right.
a. Anselm – one is saved by faith and grace
i. 11th cent.
1. Satisfaction
a. Justice exists as part of the fabric of the universe and says that not even god can give up on justice.
b. Justice must be satisfied, not God.
c. Atonement theory, satisfaction (legalistic) required
d. debt of human sin.
e. Substitution
f. God subs in for human

b. Abelard – one is saved by law and works
i. 12th cent.
1. Moral influence
a. based on love
b. Jesus life was noth what was necessary, it was jesus’s life that was necessary
c. Death was inedible due to jesus being commited to living a perfect life. He will go against authorities and he will be killed by them.

c. Aulen
i. 20th cent
1. Christus Victor
a. There is a war between powers
i. God (love, justice, equality) --- principalities & powers (state gov. corperation / things like racisum and sexisum
b. Voluntary sacrificial death of jesus
i. Chronicles of Narnia
c. Possible the model of the early church.
d. J Denny weaver likes this model but that it needs to work it’s self out non-violently.


Mark 10:45
Not god that needs to be payed the debt but the debt. Devel has claim on god for sinners or something like that.

Philippians 2:5-11
a. on one hand Christ is below everything
b. jesus dies in worst possible way
c. exhaulted by god
a. “therefore he was exaulted by god”. Verse 9



Therefore my beloved just as you’ve obeyed in my presence in my oresence but also in my absence…

Philippians were commanded to act out their own salvation. Law vs. Grace.
-->How are we (justified/santification/saved)?

What to do over the next to weeks to set up a time to come meet with Trevor bechtal to figure out what the large project.


Last word

I. THE CHURCH
a. The build ings
b. Home
i. coffee donuts
c. church of rock
i. couldnet get in
1. wasn’t dressed aporiately
d. three things that people can tough were present at churches in Jerusalem
i. is this church more holy? Then mine?

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Song personal jesus by Johnny chash

Chapter one – faith
“ two – doctrine
“ three – dogma

Names
- Method
o Content
ß Trinity
∑ Spirit
o Church
o People
o J.C. – God relationship mediator
o Less attention
∑ God the father
o Transcendent
o Immanent
∑ Jesus Christ
o Devine/human
o suffering
- tradition
- scripture
- experince
-

These are three starting points to studying Christian theology.

Experience
- emancipation
o Freedom
- women’s movement
- liberation theology
o feminist theology? Possibly
o but more often in developing countries
ß Gustavo gutierriez
o Slavery
ß James cone
ß Cornell West

Ways to think of these starting points
- faith seeking understanding (a famous text)
- Catholic’s belive the bible is understood by Scripture + Tradition
- Mennonites/annabaptists agreed with martin luther that in doing theology one only needs to reflect on scripture. Sola scriptura!
o Luther thought that required experts to understand bible, but Anabaptists believe that the community of faith can understand the bible just fine.


- trinity
o God
ß creator
o Jesus
ß Person
∑ christology
ß Work
∑ Salvatinon
o Soteriology
ß Santification
ß justification
o spirit
ß church
ß eccelsiology
o Human beings
ß Theological anthropology
o Creation
o Endtimes
ß eschatology

What is creation theology and what are the end times


Think about what you would like to focus on. What theological method or place in human experince do I wan t to work from. Create a form of theology?

Rimer says:
Technology/technique of prary
Thinking that therer is a “good techniqe of prary is bad.
Techne – making – technique
Tools hands
Phronesis - Practical wisdom
Muscile movement… body
Theoria – theorectical knowledge

- mind

heresy vs. orthidox

test on Thursday, study the text.
Through chapter 6


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Creation,
- dawkins
o no god says he
- god creates, world evolves
o is god connected to that evolution?


I. Kauffmen states…
a. Big bang theory
i. Described with faith based language
1. Started with a zero point, that was infinitely hot and small
2. Infinitely hot and small
b. Biological evolution
i. Evolution of life
1. science does good job of describing this.
a. Theology should learn fromscience in how to investigate things
2. Time (human)
a. Does not make sense to talk of time before abrahem
c. Cultural evolution
i. Theology
ii. Science
II. when is it useful to talk about time?
a. The beginning of our world was outside of time
b. Creation
i. Fall
1. gift of choice and beginning of time.
ii. babble
1. gift of language and diversity
iii. Before time.
1. was the Garden of Eden and the fall of man in that garden- outside of time?
iv. Genisis 1-12
1. mythic, against reason
a. not accurate in time, but in truth.
2. myths and science can be truth and agree with each other
3. a story means to explain something meant to offer truth about something
4. Creation is good! God says. J
c. The end of time, Eschaton




For th3e notes. Why is Abraham the start of time and not the end of eden.






Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Creation (perfect) – fall – redemption cycle

I. Creation
a. prelapsarian, before the fall
II. Fall
a. Idolitrous choice
i. Idolatrous means putting something before God
III. Redemption


As we all know frozen streams don’t flow.

Greenland’s glaciers are melting. Bangladesh could sink.


What is a sin?
Church defined.

Venial sin
Half venial/necessary sin
Mortal sin

Sins

- omission
- commission

Social verses personal/individual sin.
Sin to drive car, sin not to drive. to survive in this culture we must drive.
And in order to sustain life expotation must happen. Enviroment vs. economics

Is it still a sin if you are ignorant of committing it?
- intention
- .
- .

WALMART IS EVIL!!!!!



Invincible ignorance – don’t need to have access to a Christian church to be saved.

Hooo raH

Notes for 9/2/08

Played see it when I believe it by dogs o peace.

Name exorcises involving finding and thinking about names of god in the bible.

Analogies of fath
Scrabble
Parameters
- words
- direction is open
- set of rules and materials
- Luck involved

Jigsaw puzzle
- Fixed outcome

Basketball game
- Rules don’t dictate how game is played, game can change while still being legal and consistent with the rules of the game.
- “play above the rim”
dogma

documentary hypothesis

J = Yhwh Yahwist – anthropomorphic
E = elohim (plural) Elohist – less
P = Preistly Preistly -preist liturgy
D = Deuteronomist Law


When we read the bible we tend to focus on what the bible says for a /truesimple straightforward meaning. And we try to find what the bible can tell us about god.

Ways to read bible
Literal
Tropological
Allegorically

homework
Read 20 verses in song of Solomon and write in journal about it.
Is it as an allegory for the love of Christ’s church, should we read it Allegorically?

I say literally and allegorically. Hosea uses only one form of the word love, the word does not change when he talks about God or Gomer his wife, so if we think of the book Hosea as a sort of Rosetta stone of old testament, we realize that much of the old testment is told in a material way which humans can relate to. If an ancient Hebrew wanted to talk about God he would probably tell a story using human experiences to get a point across as it is the only thing we can fully comprehend.

It has been roughly three years since I have used this blog. Many things have happened in my life. I got a girlfriend for 1 month or so and after she left me things went bad and she and a couple of her freinds cut and ended any comunication from me. I can only pray that it will all one day be resolved, and we can bury the ugly 800lb. gorilla. People come into our lives and quickly go, others stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts. We are never the same. And on a similer note, I once read a qoute that reminded me that happy times quickly come and go and are hardly ever remebered. But times of pain cut deep wheel ruts that are not so easily removed. I saw a life changing Phil Keaggy concert. played with a band called Anabaptist besteary project. Went to bolivia, learned to play charango....

Lots has happend, some of it good. Allot of it not so goood. But the time comes to write of other things beside the ups and downs of my life, or good ways to eat ramin noodle soup. No, I've revived this blog to fufil the obligatitory journel writing requirement of my recent Christain Theology class. this journeling includes class notes, and in this case the entry consists of the past two classes worth of notes.


Class one
Death cab for cutie’s song “different names for the same thing”

Theology’s Subject is words about god

One of the most powerful words we have is a name.

Legend of Ra and Isis was read aloud.
In Egyptian theology and in surrounding areas, a common belief is that a name is a key to power.

Moses asked God for His secret name, his powerful name. What is God’s name? God answers the him by offering a revelation to moses that whaty he offeres is better then what a majic name could offer,

This is a revelation of God to Moses who He is.
I am who I am
Ehyeh Aser Ehyeh
To be
Am

YHWH

I shale show myself in that I shale show my self as the one who will show himself

Constantly show god, who god is to the Hebrew people.

Theos can give the simplist things we do deep meaning.


Paper due Tuesday

Intro
Thesis
* I believe
* “ connect with last part for intro to this part.
* ”
* “
Paper
Conclution

Think theologically as a human person
Become clear lay my self down by clear water



My humble musing .blogspot.com rusty_steele
8/28/08
Song today is “my bloody valentine’s” song “come in alone.”

First rule when think about gods name is that God is not a nameable thing.

Two THEOLOGIES
Cataphatic and apophatic

Phatic speach Don’t mean words said, just implying intrest…. Aka small talk

Cataphatic, yes-speach a positive theology
Is it different then authoritative?
Apopthetic, no-speach a negative theology

BRING BIBLES ON TUESDAY

Apostles creed, names for god
God, father, Creator, Jesus Christ, son, lord, holy spirit

Nicene creed
God Father almight, makier of heaven and earth, Lord jesus Christ, God of God, light of light, He,


Apostles creed probably came from Rule of faith, a statement of a single churches faith.

4th century bore many creeds.

Nicene creed written 325 in Nicea.

Pseudo-dionysius apopthetic theology

Hort reflection paper due on Tuesday

Read dogmatic theology

"You who know what love is all about..."

I heard this in a music department recital and thought it was appropriate to express how i have felt for much of the past five or six years... and has only gotten stronger now that i am surrounded with single girls about my age and people in relationships. it is from the "marriage of figaro".
It is in italian so it rhymes, and so that i can express myself with out you thinking I'm a poor sap that posted this just for your pity. I don't need it or any of your dating website suggestions.

Voi che sapete che cosa è amor, donne, vedete s'io l'ho nel cor. Quello ch'io provo
vi ridirò, è per me nuovo, capir nol so. Sento un affetto pien di desir, ch'ora è diletto, ch'ora è martir. Gelo e poi sento l'alma avvampar, e in un momento torno a gelar. Ricerco un bene fuori di me, non so chi'l tiene, non so cos'è. Sospiro e gemo senza voler, palpito e tremo senza saper. Non trovo pace notte né dì, ma pur mi piace languir così. Voi che sapete che cosa è amor, donne, vedete s'io l'ho nel cor.

The only difference is that he actually enjoys his suffering, probably because the experience is so new to him. Me, I got sick of it pretty quick along time ago. Now it just annoys the hell outa me.

Though the character that sang this was portrayed as a 15 year old boy in the opera, It is probably my fault that at the age of 20 i still haven't figured out what I'm gonna do about the matter, or what to do when I figure it out somewhat.

If you really must know what it says.... Fine go to the site below.
http://www.columbia.edu/itc/music/reserves/cd189/text/act02_part1.html

random poem of the week


"I saw a man" by Stephen Crane

I saw a man pursuing the hoeizon;
Round and round they sped.
I was disturbed at this:
I accosted the man.
"It is futile," I said,
You can never--"
"you lie," he cried.
And ran on.